The Twelve New Elementary Particles of Nature
by Sir Henry de Tunahuna
A new grouping, and appropriate names, of the 12 elementary particles in nature has now been established by Astro-physicists. The new grouping has four main categories:
Photons: particles of "light" (highly visible)
Electrons: particles of "electricity" (made evident by their 'broadcasts' or 'noise')
Magnetons: particles of "magnetism" ('sensed' rather than seen or heard)
Gravitons: particles of "gravity" (evidenced by the material world)
Each of these, in turn, has 3 types (the subgroups). So there are 3 types of Photons, 3 types of Magnetons, etc., for a total of twelve actual fundamental particles, as described below.
Aron: the most visible particle of the Photon family. Likes to have other particles follow its path, which it lights up brightly. Can be annihilated (along with its followers) if it runs into wall of Gravitons.
Leon: the largest of the Photons. Views all other particles as peons. Prefers not to move, but to light itself up, so as to be more visible to other particles. Sometimes, a humongous number of Leons gather together, tired of being ignored, and create a "star" like the Sun, which, if also ignored, annihilates itself as a supernova.
Sagon: an endlessly wandering Photon, whose direction is easily changed by encounters with other particles. Has a good sense of what is to the left and the right (always looking for new possibilities), but not what is in front or behind, so tends to get damaged by running into other particles, or annihilated by being run over from behind.
Gemon: a very fast Electron particle, shaped like a toothpick, unique in that it goes both forward and backward at the same time, often shifting directions. Annoys others particles by its constant noise. Can be essentially annihilated by a Pison, which simply surrounds it like a soft pillow, trapping the noise.
Libron: the "dancing" Electron, always in motion, from one side to another. Does not change direction unless there is enough information (from other particles, except Magnetons, which it finds annoying) about the alternate path. Can self-annihilate through exhaustion.
Aquark: the largest and loudest Electron particle (think "bark"), generally unaffected by other particles, rarely changing direction. Is annihilated when it eventually runs into a Scorpon, which simply absorbs it, emitting a small "burpon", a subparticle of the Graviton family.
Cancon: a restless Magneton particle, always trying to be perfectly round, whose path is the ever-changing curvature of space. Would like to stop and rest, but is unable to, since no place seems to be quite right. Eventually finds its way into human mouths, where it causes Canker sores as a result of self-annihilation.
Scorpon: the strongest and most intense member of the Magneton family. Does not move at all, but sits in, and takes the shape of, a space-time "bowl". Sends out strong magnetic waves, hoping to attract, primarily, Gravitons, and to repel, primarily, Electrons. Is annihilated if the bowl cracks, as can be caused by a bombardment of Gemons.
Pison: a very nebulous Magneton, of a shape and direction that is determined by other nearby particles. The Pison is the only particle that will assist ANY other particle in its path, which leads to particle-wars (and annihilations) because they all want the Pison to be their own companion. As far as has been determined, a Pison cannot be annihilated, perhaps because it is only an illusion.
Tauron: a Graviton particle of ever-increasing mass and protuberances, gained by gathering other particles that come close. Is very particle-family oriented, especially when it feels other particles are "beautiful". Is annihilated if it tries to grab hold of a Leon, which explodes.
Virgon: the fastest of the Gravitons; a "catalyst" for organizing and re-organizing other particles of Gravitons and Electrons, in an attempt to create some order from the chaos of these particles. Is eventually annihilated by being overwhelmed by the imperfection of other particles.
Capron: the most persistent Graviton, the "particle-glue", the one particle that makes it possible for the various types of particles to form things like planets, plants, pants, and people. Is annihilated by particles which have become unhappy about how long have been glued together.
This new grouping, and appropriate names, of the 12 elementary particles in nature was first published in The Mountain Astrologer magazine early in 2008.