Did Skylab fall in your 12th House?
--- A Chicken-Little Update ---
Did
Skylab fall in your 12th house? This is the question posed by Dr. Henry Tunahuna, an astrophysicist/astrologer in Lemraka, Micronesia. When Dr. Tunahuna
first began asking that question twelve years ago, the results were so
astounding that he began research into Satellite Astrology. Recently, Mountain
Astrologer got wind of his Satellite Ephemeris project, and we knew something
exciting was its the air, so we asked our West Coast associate, Percy Alan, to
contact him for a telephone interview (via satellite, naturally).
MA:
Hello, this is Mountain Astrologer magazine...is this Dr. Henry Tunahuna?
SH:
My friends call me Sir Henry. Just a minute, please; let me check aspects for
this moment.
MA:
(after five minutes) Sir Henry, you must have a slow computer!
SH:
(sigh) Yes, it's an old Cray/1, and there are thousands of satellites up there.
Plus, a new one was launched this morning, and two came down yesterday,
according to my main 180‑foot dish antenna.
MA:
Pretty elaborate astrology setup you have!
SH:
Oh, it's not mine. I run the satellite tracking station here, for the U.S. government.
MA:
Doing astrology research??!
SH:
Of course. Nancy and Ronnie needed to cover all possible angles, you know.
MA:
Surely you are jesting..
SH: Not at all. In fact, a
great many satellites are quite empty, and put into orbit just for the EFFECT
they will have. Why else do you suppose the 'launch window" is often so
narrow? When George senses the economy starting to slow, or Nancy needs a
little help for hubby ...whoosh! And, every polar‑orbit satellite that
the Ruskies put up must be countered by an equatorial
one of our own. The "crossing‑square' effect serves to nullify, see?
MA: This is overwhelming
news. But let's go back to the beginning. How did you discover Satellite
Astrology?
SH:
Skylab fell, and ‑‑‑ bonk! ‑‑‑ another Newton's Apple. I saw it fall, right in Pisces, my
natal 12th house, smack on my natal Jupiter. Immediately I sensed I. had become
both telepathic and clairvoyant. Also, an old ulcer flared up.
MA:
How did THAT correlate?
SH:
It didn't at first; but then I learned that Skylab had broken into parts, and
ANOTHER part had fallen in Virgo, below the horizon!
MA:
In your 6th house, of course!
SH:
Exactly! Conjunct my natal Saturn and Moon!
MA:
Classic! And then...?
SH:
Well, of course, I am a man of precision, so I needed more verification. I
called several astrologer friends. Two of them had enormous inheritance
windfalls, and the pieces fell, naturally, in their 2nd and 8th houses. Another
I was unable to reach, as her phone had been disconnected for non‑payment.
MA:
And that correlated also?
SH: Absolutely. Third
house, on her natal retrograde Mercury; Saturn, of course, was transiting her
2nd house then.
MA: The other part fell,
then, in her 9th house?
SH: Zap! Right
next to natal Jupiter and Neptune. She fled the country to avoid
creditors for awhile, and wrote a metaphysical best‑seller novel.
Returned and paid all her bills!
MA: And you were off and
running with a new theory.
SH: You bet. And it made
sense. After all, astrologers have discovered that the asteroids and fixed‑stars
have relevance, so why not the artificial satellites? They are cyclical, many
are visible, and they are very close to us, MUCH closer than anything else.
MA: But there are so many
of them!
SH: (sigh) Yes, even my
love of details was taxed. Eventually, though, I discovered the 'nullifying'
principles, and by using Fourier analysis, have been able to compile a reduced
ephemeris of 1440 Most‑Energy‑Significant‑Satellites, which I
call MESS.
MA: Good grief! What does a
satellite natal‑chart look like?
SH: They're gorgeous! Eight
by twelve feet, covers a whole wall. The aspect matrix covers two walls. Transits, your ceilings. If you're into relationships,
though, you'll need a bigger house. Or choose the 'condo' option.
MA: I see. What do you feel
is the primary thrust of satellite astrology?
SH: Absolutely perfect
prediction, and control, of earthly events. Timings to the
microsecond. A hot tip: buy stock in atomic chronometers.
MA: What's the biggest
problem with satellites?
SH: Confusion,
hypertension, and anxiety. There are about 12,000 major aspects each day, and
satellite cycles are much faster than, say, the moon or mercury, which USED to
be the 'quickies' of the sky. Humans are definitely having trouble adjusting to
these rapid fluctuations.
MA: What do you recommend?
SH: Get a satellite‑relocation
chart! Move to where things are less chaotic.
MA: Where might that be?
SH: The North and South
Poles are pretty good. But the Moon and Mars would be best. (laughs).
MA: Well, Mountain
Astrologer is excited about breaking wind of this exciting new development in
astrology. By the way, are the satellite‑transits of the moment done yet?
SH: Yes! Let me see ... of
this 'basic' run, there are 432 airs, 216 waters, 360 fires, 288 earths, and
144 non‑zodiacals. That's an extraordinary
harmonic, a Grand Mercurial! Hey! Here's a key 34‑way trine involving
French, Swiss, and American satellites, certainly auspicious for a dinner party
of twelve with bread, cheese, and wine. Oh‑oh.
Here's a 23‑part square involving Soyuz‑11, Cosmos‑4 and Mir‑7
in the 12th; better check for hidden mikes in your office! And...
MA:
That's certainly good to know, Sir Henry. Can you send us a copy of these
transits? And your basic Satellite Ephemeris?
SH:
No problem! Free of charge, you just pay for shipping. Weight's
331.4 pounds for key transits, 927.1 for the '89‑'95 ephemeris/aspectarian. What's your FedEx account number?
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Copyright 1989 Ron Alan
Pierce, published in 1990 in Mountain Astrologer magazine